Self-Care: Is It Selfish?
By Coach AnitaI think of self-care from the basic premise that we are all meant to be happy. It is our default state of being. So if I am not happy, it doesn’t matter what else can be done for others, I need to look at taking care of myself before looking outward. It’s like the airlines tell us, put on your own mask before assisting others.
Yet that is what so many people, and especially women, do not do. There is societal pressure to be an everything mother, an everything partner, an everything caregiver to parents, an everything career pursuer, and very little focus on being true to what makes us feel unconditionally happy. Unconditionally happy means you are not relying on other conditions to be present - like your house being clean, your children being content, your weight being ideal, your partner to be satisfied - in order for you to be happy. When a woman does not prioritize others above herself the word often wielded is selfish. I have heard women say, “Oh I’m taking time for myself” only to learn they first took care of arrangements for everyone around them before taking “time for herself.” That’s putting herself last.
The story of a woodsman laboring at a wood pile with a dull axe illustrates the challenge many people face. Asked why he didn’t stop to sharpen his blade to make the work go faster, he said he didn’t have time. By not putting your needs - your happiness - first, you are metaphorically not working with a sharp blade.
But how do we overcome that word, selfish. Most of us recoil at the idea of being called selfish. We have been raised and societally conditioned to put others’ needs before our own. Women who focus on themselves have been socially chastised with a scarlet S. And as much as we hate the accusation upon us, we have been so deeply conditioned to focus on the needs of others that we slap the label on other women instead of championing and emulating their brave self-first stance.
So what do we do? I subversively suggest that we reclaim and reframe the word selfish. Make it that to be selfish is to understand the importance of taking care of yourself. To be selfish is to know that happiness is our birthright. To be selfish is to truly love ourselves. To be selfish is to be present with a fully sharpened blade.
Tell me in the comments something you have done to be selfish in the past week. And if you haven’t (YET), tell me something you are going to do to make yourself happy. I’ll start: I started making newspaper beads. I ordered a new book. I had a cocktail at 4p in the afternoon and FaceTimed with a friend across the country.
Tell me, Pinks. Are you selfish?
Week 15 Workout with
Coach Oden
Link to video if you don't see it here : https://youtu.be/_SAQfEDTHFM
“Being mindful that rest and relaxation are important to maintain our physical and mental health”.
Self Care - What is it , do I do it ?
by Coach Pat
Self care is anything you do deliberately to take care of your mental , emotional and physical health. Self care has to be enjoyable, not a chore. Self care has to be deliberate. Those words, enjoyable and deliberate narrows the list. Self care can be eliminating something from your routine as well as adding. Is there an activity that makes you stressed ? Then think about saying 'no' as part of your self-care routine. For example, during these Covid days I said "I will no longer iron anything" and we are getting along fine with a few wrinkles and I don't have the stress of a never ending chore. Paddling was a big part of my self care routine it helped me physically and it fed my mental and emotional health because of the time with friends. Now I have had to replace that with other activities. My workouts are now virtual but one of them is done with the Pinks and that is a big boost for me. I have made time each Saturday morning to get on the Pink Zoom call. I am also making deliberate appointments to check in with all of my grandchildren each week. I read more and do Facebook less. Think about what you are doing, make a list of the activities that are helping you take care of yourself, those that are deliberate and enjoyable. Get on a Zoom call with a friend and help each other establish a self care routine. It would be great to get some items reported back as comments on this newsletter.
